Versatile Blogger Award

I'm not a big blogger, I'm really not. I keep jumping on the train, taking pit stops, missing the train and sometimes managing to jump back on (lol). It's been a while since I've been here. A lot has happened. I'll get to that in another post though.

So, I logged on to a new comment waiting to be added. I check it, and apparently someone had gave me an "award". I'm not entirely sure what awards are on blogs (again, not a big blog person) but I appreciate her kind thoughts. So I'll be adding it to my page.



Accepting this "award" I am to write 7 things about myself. Here goes.

1. I am not your average Jane. I LOVE messing with my hair with funky colors and styles. I've had my hair just about every color under the sun, both by accident and intentional (haha). Currently it's a blue black, but on October 2nd it'll be shaved. I'm doing charity work for St. Baldrick's (a charity for children with cancer) and part of the event is getting your head shaved. I'm excited and scared.

2. I LOVE piercings and tattoos and just about any body mod. I haven't much yet but I'm planning on a few. I do have my ear lobes pierced and am currently stretching them. I'm up to a 6guage and love it. I do think my goal will either be a 0 or 00 though. But we'll see.

3. I have pale skin and freckles... I've long ago learned to love them. People may pay for a tan, but they can never have what I have. :)

4. I LOVE crafting. I do oodles of different ones (none very well but that's life). I sew, make soap and other bath things, needle felt, paint, draw, started to learn to knit, etcetc. I have way too much craft stuff. haha

5. I adore children and have one of my own. She's my life.

6. I also love animals. I want to volunteer at the local animal shelter and possibly become an animal cruelty investigator. I got my cat from the shelter and she's a http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifjoy (most of the time).

7. I'm an activist of a few things. I fight for children's right to remain whole and not be circumcised at birth. I fight for proper information and support for those who want to breast feed. I advocate for natural birth but mainly for birth CHOICE. I think it should be illegal to intervene with labor/birth if it's not necessary. I also believe highly in the parent's right to choose to vaccinate or not as well as education choices. And finally, I strongly wish for equality for the "other" love and sexes besides heterosexuality and man/woman genders.

I hope this teaches you a bit more about myself. I'm supposed to pass this award on now, so I shall send it to the only other blogger I know personally, haha Thus, I award "Make Do Play" with this award. :)

Updates

I haven't been around much recently it seems. Time has gotten away from me. A lot has been going on in my life. My husband graduated tech school and has been stationed in North Carolina. I was staying with my Dad, then went to visit a friend for a few days... and since she was only three hours away from my husband, I decided to just jump down there with him. So now we're staying in a hotel room until we can find a place. Meanwhile Brandon has been craving a bunch of fast food and how can I turn it down?! T_T

There is a gym on base but I didn't bring any gym appropriate clothes. He gets paid the first so I can buy some then... if I feel better. Seems we caught the flu some where. Brandon's really sick and I'm not feeling hot either.

I don't have a scale down here so I haven't had any recent weight checks, but here's a picture:



Wish me luck, times are trying and I need will power!

Stress Isn't Easy On A Diet

Details a side... RAGHHHHHHHHHHH I'm about to rip my hair out with stress. Support, support, I need support. There is ice cream in the freezer calling my name!!! T_T

RAGE

I'm getting so insanely frustrated! Rage rage rage!

I hate food and I hate my body and rawr.

Yeah, that's all.

Stalling.... and Frustrations....

I have been depressed... horribly so. At the moment I'm in a long distance relationship with my husband and it's been hard on me. Of course that's hard on my diet. Thankfully the one day I let myself go a bit (Superbowl sunday! My team was there baby) I only gained back .4 pounds.

I'm getting frustrated with this whole diet thing. I mean, I of course knew it wouldn't be easy. Diets aren't. This isn't just a diet, it's a life style change. I'm ready for that though. I'm strong. I've been cutting calories without much issue (let's face it, it's early and it will get easier as I go). I've been able to say no to SO MUCH temptation without too much "pain". I've gotten to the point where junk food ISN'T appealing... Where sugary things don't tempt me...

So why aren't I seeing results! Yes... .5 here and there... but I want more! I want it faster! I know exercise would help but it's just not an option at the moment. It's winter, I have no baby sitter, no close gym, no room in the house. As soon as I get out of here I'm going to hit it like there's no tomorrow. If I get no results that way I may just die.

Recently I've been watching shows like Heavy and I Used To Be Fat (I refuse to watch Biggest Loser). I watch them in the hopes of seeing some small tips to help me. I watch them to get some motivation. But they piss me off. How big do I have to be to get help like that? What I would do for a personal trainer and nutritionist. Normal people are just not equipped for major life style changes that are needed to lose 100+ pounds. We didn't grow up eating right, we didn't grow up exercising... and it's hard to change that. It's even more difficult to change it when you don't know what to change it to.

Lord I don't want to be fat forever...

Goals Reached, Goals Lost, and Anger...

So... I worked, I slaved, I did it... I got under 260lbs! I was pretty darn excited. I haven't been under 260 in a LOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time.

But then I decided to conduct a little experiment... I stopped at McDonald's for a friend and ended up eating way more than I should have by saying it was an experiment. Yeah... Ok... stupid me. My little experiment caused me to gain BACK two pounds. I'm still working to lose it again. Now I know I can't eat junk and get away with it, even just once in a while. I knew that though... I was just hoping I was wrong. Oh well.

So... apparently the hCG I've spend almost $120 on isn't real and you can only get real hCG with an Rx... mother fuckers... I feel so stupid.
http://www.weightlosswand.com/reviews/nigen-biotech-the-hcg-solution-reviews/
I'm really rather pissed that I was lied to. How can they have the word hCG on the bottle if there is none in there!!! It's not right. T_T

Time for a regular diet I guess. *sigh* So today I started using a calorie tracker on my phone called MyFitnessPal. Set it to 750cals. Stuck to it today. So we'll see if I still lose weight or if I have to adjust it... See ya tomorrow for the results.

Take That Temptation!!!

I had an... interesting day. I forgot my meds and was off the charts pissy today. I could hardly handle my daughter much less my Mother. If that didn't make things bad...

So my Mom PROMISED that she'd quit smoking while we lived here. Didn't happen. She then promised after a while she would. She didn't. She promised after her pack was gone she'd stop. Then she went to the hospital on an unrelated thing. Well, being in the hospital for almost a week I'd have hoped she had a good start. Well OF COURSE NOT... but what makes it worse is she acts so sneaky and like I'm an idiot! The same things she'd already freak out on us while we were younger. I am beyond angry, like... if it weren't for my daughter I'd have left on the spot.

Thus I gathered our stuff and went upstairs. A few hours later I'm hungry... but I REFUSE to go down stairs and be around her so I ignore it. A few hours later I'm excessively hungry... like woozy hungry. About to faint hungry (I have hypoglycemia issues). In a state like this I'd grab something quick and those corn dogs were CALLING me. Oh lord did I want one... But some how I had the will power to instead grab the 4oz lean steak from the frig that I had left out and an orange. I'm feeling loads better and better with my choice.

With this will power I see this diet working out for me and it'll just take time. Exciting!

I still want that corn dog though... haha

More Will Power Than I Thought I Had

So, I had an appointment to pick up WIC checks for my daughter at 3:30. Of course I waited to get up until like 2:30... haha Then I took a while getting ready. All in all, I didn't get a chance to eat before going.

So by the time I did that, went to the post office to ship my husband's birthday present, it was getting rather late when we got to Walmart. Some how I went through that store slowly lolli-gagging... and avoiding temptation at every turn! I got the things on Maddy's checks (which for the most part are healthy) but the only other things I bought was no sugar added apple sauce, whole grain cheerios, and seasoning to make some beef cube and chicken. We got blueberries, bananas, apples, and an orange. We also got some whole wheat bread. We skipped the cookies, cakes, frozen foods, donuts, deli ready foods....

By this time I was preeeeeeetttttyyyyy darn hungry. But I got through the line, avoiding all the impulse items some how... Oh but then I walk out side and get hit with the smell of BK! It was torture. Maddy was crying and I thought she was hungry. Which tempted me so badly to just get us some BK. But instead I got an apple out of a bag for her. (Turns out she was tired anyway and fell asleep in the car seat). Instead of breaking and getting fast food, I ate that apple myself. ^_^

As great as all that impulse control felt... I've been feeling a bit too woozy with only 500cals a day. It probably doesn't help that I've had tons of hypoglycemic issues in the past. So I ate a bit more tonight. I REALLY hope it doesn't stop my recent semi consistent droppage...

I know I shouldn't get discouraged though, this journey has just started and I really do need to find the right path for me. Wish me luck! :D

Being Stagnant...

Yeah... not weight loss change today. But that'll happen sometimes, I have to accept that. I really need to get working out... no more excuses! Yes, I want that Kinect to do fun work outs like I did on the Wii... but there is no reason I can't do some simple exercises without it in the mean time.

Tomorrow I shall do some sit ups, some yoga... some anything! I know for sure I'm going to Walmart so I'll take my time walking around the whole store. It's cold outside but not inside baby!

Wish me luck ^_^

Holding My Breath and Taking the First Step...

Onto the scale! I was so worried it'd tell me bad news... especially with the 3 "fat days" I had before starting my diet. But thank god, I had decent news. I haven't been able to keep up with my weight every day like I used to (I packed my scale into storage) but I did weight myself at a friend's house about a week ago. Then I was 270. Today I am 268! Not a bit drop but a drop none the less... and on my period no less! I'm rather excited.

Today was pretty decent. I didn't stick to the hCG diet protocal but pretty much have decided as long as what I eat off the protocal is healthy then it's ok. There is not much on the protocal to begin with, and most of them I don't like... so it's much too hard to stick to so little choices.

All in all, I think I'm having a good go so far. Counting down the days until Brandon gets paid and I can get a Kinect though.

The First Day... and April 15th Challenge

The first day... oh and if it's not just my luck. Last night I stepped on a piece of glass. I got it out but now my foot really hurts. I also feel like poo 'cause I've been visited by Aunt Flo. I don't have much means to exercise right now anyway... I want to get a Kinect but that'll have to wait until the 1st. Until then, I think I'll look on youtube or netflix for a yoga video.

I did PRETTY well on my diet. Drank water all day. Had a 4oz piece of steak for lunch and a tomatoe. For dinner another piece of steak and lettuce for a salad. I had some apple sauce for a snack. My will was weak and I did eat a small bowl of cereal... tomorrow I will do better. I always did give myself some lea-way during that time of month. Not fair to expect a woman to diet when she feels like this! haha

Anyway... I found another challenge and joined up. I think 40lbs before April 15th is a good goal. Numbers are on the side... wish me luck!!! ^_^

10lb Valentine's Day Challenge

So! My first challenger appears! I've joined a site called 4fatchicks and someone posted a challenge: http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/didibuttonsley/2011/01/15/valentines-day-challenge/

Well, I've decided to join it. I always felt like if I but had a challenge or partnership or... something... it'd do me good. I always lamented missing "Biggest loser" challenges. Here's my chance and I'm taking it!

I'm starting a bit late but I hope I can do it anyway... So, by Feb 14th I need to weigh in at 260lbs. Cheer me on!!!

NOT A New Years Resolution...

Yeah... I've been working on this since about October but I was trying to do it on my own. It didn't work out very well... So I'm trying something new. I'm hoping some support (if only online support) will help me out more.

So hi! I'm a 23 year old wife and mother. I'm married to an amazing airman and take care of our incrediable daughter. He's at tech school right now so I missing his support. Plus I would like to lose some weight to be nice and sexy for him ^_^.

Last year I altered out diet to more healthy things (wheat over white bread, whole grain over white, baking instead of frying, etc). It's helped me feel a bit better but I didn't lose any weight. I got a Wii fit and added two hours of exercise every night to it. I lost very little weight. I so then started following the weight watchers guide lines as well as exercising... still hardly anything. After all this hard work I was VERY disillusioned as my husband did the opposite of me and lost 5lbs to my 1lb!

A few months later I began the HCG diet after an Aunt of mine had great success with it. I started off great! The Christmas holiday killed it though... I gave into too much temptation with my husband (who just graduated basic so he craved just about every horrible thing for you...). Well I didn't have much other option for dinner because of lack of money so... I gained back half of what I lost.

So... a new year and a new determination. I just finished a 3 day diet cleanse. Tomorrow I will begin the two day "fat" days... then a low calorie diet. I intend to buy a Kinect for our xbox to do some exersices.

Well... Wish me luck!!!

Updates

As you can tell, my diet fell through. It's really just so difficult to keep up with something like that when you get no results. It's obvious I need more help than just healthier eating and more exercising. Whereas I haven't been blogging, I still eat healthier than I used to and exercise more than I did. Why? Because I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up in the same way. I want her to learn that whole wheat IS good, and white bleached things are bland and pasty. I want her to learn that fresh fruits and veggies are delicious and not "icky". I will feed her home cooked meals, none of the constant trips to the local fast food places.

It's just very disheartening when; even after doing all this, nothing shows for it. True, my body feels a bit better. I don't feel full of nastiness... but I'm depressed and there is just no working around that as of now.

Our money situation is getting worse. I have no insurance and can't get insurance unless I'm not working... but although I'm not working a lot, we can't afford for me to quit. I can't afford to go to the doctor and GET on medication much less pay for said medication. I cried to night; not the first night over it but this time I was more upset over the people I know who DO have the resources to get help but don't use them. They say they are unhappy and depressed... so do something about it! I can't. It's killing me. Madelynn wants to play and I just want to curl into a ball and hide from the world. It makes me want to weep. She is growing up SO fast. I had to stop breast feeding at 4 months to get on meds so I could feel I actually loved her. Now, 3 months later, I'm in the same situation but this time without at least the bond of breast feeding. Out of her 8 months alive, I've missed out on 7. I regret it... the timing of course, not her... I feel awful. Not much I can do about it now though...

But to some good news. Brandon finally has orders for the Air Force. I'm excited to get out of this rut. He will be getting paid $1,000 a month while in basic and then $1,700 while he's in school. I will be living with my Dad so all that money will be going toward bills (car insurance and cell phone, not much) and debt. We can finally dig ourselves out and be productive members of society again. No more living on welfare, no more late payments or none at all. I'm excited and I know he is too. Ever since he joined up I can tell he's got more pride in himself again. I love it. I love him so, I never wanted to see him as broken as he was.

But with this excitement is stark raving fear. My husband is leaving for over 3 months... Since we got physically together (we LD dated for 3 years), we haven't been apart more than a week. He literally works half a block away... and during long shifts, we often come visit him. Now, I know we can handle it, our love is strong. We did it before, while hormones were raging and others tempted... while we were young and it seemed we'd never be together. But I'm worried. I'm worried about being able to handle Madelynn myself. I'm worried that he'll change and we'll drift apart... mostly I'm worried because it seems like all the women around me have TERRIBLE relationships with their military spouses... Eh, I shouldn't let them impact my relationship with my husband. But I worry. It's what I do. Depression doesn't help that either...

Wait! I thought we moved on from depressing updates! My bad. Anyway, lets update on some crafty things! For quite a while I was interested in cloth diapers. I bought a lot of fabric. I read articles. I bought a pattern... printed it out, cut it out... but then I was over whelmed and ended up avoiding it for a long time. Well, because of the money situation (and help from an awesome tutorial Kim sent me) I picked it up again. It's going a bit slow (it's difficult to craft when you just want to be lethargic) but I have 4 diapers made so far. They were mostly experimental because they aren't perfect, but each was a learning experience. I feel confident that within a diaper or two I will have it down. Hopefully I can kick myself into gear and start pumping them out. How good it feels to be saving money and the earth! So... if you talk to me, ask me if I started working on a diaper yet ;)

I've also had a few other craft ventures going on. A while ago I made some nursing necklaces and a magnetic bracelet/necklace. Sadly they haven't sold yet. I also made key chain glass jar with a live moss ball inside! I thought it would be popular but none of them sold either (I'd totally buy one if I saw'em online <.< >.>). So, I've decided I'm going to look into getting a table at the local craft fairs this fall and hopefully sell some of this stuff at price (I hardly expect a profit anymore T_T)

But apparently those failures haven't daunted me at all. I bought alligator clasps on Etsy and am currently making little hair bows for babies. Thankfully the clasps weren't expensive (less than $5) and the bows I'm making out of small bits of fabric... so if this venture fails at least I won't lose much money >_< If it does though, I'm done!

Well everyone, it's 7am and I'm exhausted. Perhaps my brain will shut up for a while at actually let me sleep now? Just in time to get a few hours of sleep before doing things all over again... pity, Brandon gets a day off work just as I have to work. Life is lovely. Whatever, forget me. Happy crafting everyone!

The Vampires Got Me!

Ugh, I gave blood today. I should never have thought to do that and do what all needed done... like taking care of my extremely fussy daughter... or cook dinner... or exercise. I DID take a walk, a short one but one none the less. My wonderful husband cooked supper for us too ^_^

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. ^_^

Sunny Weather and Bright Skies Ahead!

Period weeks is almost over, expect better work outs and more posts!

Today I went on a walk with my Mom and Madelynn though. We walked for like 2.5hrs. Probably about 3 miles. Gaw I was tired afterward. Note to self, don't go for such a far walk in crappy slip on shoes X_X I have blisters now. I need a good pair of sneakers.

I also need to stop drinking milk, oh my insides! T_T

Memories and Pain

So... haven't been around because I've been sick with something... or it was just my period fucking with me bad. Either way, I've been feeling like shit. I haven't really exercised much other than a simple walk.

Anyway, the 28th we had Easy Mock Risotto: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Delicious-and-Easy-Mock-Risotto/Detail.aspx DELICIOUS. Tasted like chicken noodle soup.. (I added a can of cooked chicken)

Today I made Slow Cooker Lentils and Sausage, using hot Italian sausage instead of polish sausage. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Slow-Cooker-Lentils-and-Sausage/Detail.aspx
Ew, I didn't like lentils... so we took it to my Grams and went for Chinese.. haha

Not going to weigh myself on period week... that's just beating a dying horse. lol

On a side note...
I've decided on a tattoo and a placement. I want to design something with cherry blossoms in mind. It'll be under my hair over my ear. It will be mainly for my dear friend who died of leukemia... but also for all the others in my life touched by cancer like my Grandmother. Both lost their hair at some point in their fight against their cancer.

I wanted to do flowers because they are beautiful, just like they are. And after I read the meaning behind cherry blossoms in both Chinese and Japanese culture? Set and locked.

Chinese Cherry Blossom

For the Chinese the cherry blossom is a very significant symbol of power. Typically it represent a feminine beauty and sexuality and often holds an idea of power or feminine dominance. Within the language of herbs and herbal lore of the Chinese the cherry blossom is often the symbol of love.

Japanese Cherry Blossom

For the Japanese the cherry blossom holds very different meaning. The cherry blossom is a very delicate flower that blooms for a very short time. For the Japanese this represents the transience of life. This concept ties in very deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism that state all life is suffering and transitory. The Japanese have long held strong to the Buddhist belief of the transitory nature of life and it is very noble to not get too attached to a particular outcome or not become emotional because it will all pass in time.

The fallen cherry blossom is not taken lightly in Japanese symbolism either. It often represents the beauty of snow and there are many connections made in Japanese literature or poetry to a fallen cherry blossom and snow. This also has been extended to the life of a warrior whose life was ended early in battle.

As you can see in both cultures the symbolism and meaning behind the cherry blossom is very significant and powerful at the same time. It is important to think about these symbols and connect this with what your personally believe the cherry blossom represents. If you still want to get a cherry blossom tattoo and the above meaning from the Japanese culture or the Chinese culture do not speak to you or you're somehow view the cherry blossom in a very different way then it is okay to still get a cherry blossom tattoo. However, it is always important to know the symbolism before getting a tattoo permanently done.

Some family may shit a brick, but after I explain they'll shut up real fast. Besides, after 7 years of my behavior you'd think nothing would be unexpected anymore. haha

Excuses

I could come up with some, I could come up with some real good believable ones... but I won't. I'll cut the bull shit and go straight to the point. I did jack shit by way of working out today... It poured out and I was stuck inside. Instead of working out on the Wii though I did some MUCH needed house work. I also made some baby food for Madelynn.

But I DID keep to the menu, day one! We had Whole Wheat Blueberry Pancakes (superrrr yum!), hash browns, and bacon. Breakfast for dinner, love it!

No picture... I forgot and already lost some of my clothes <.< >.> I like to walk around less than fully dressed, it's more comfortable.

Yesterday's Weight: 259.5lbs
Weight: 260.4lbs

Fuck you fluctuation. Plus, I'm going to get my period soon. Evil PMS.

Measurements
Upper Arm: 16"
Stomach: 47"
Hips: 55"
Thighs: 29"

I'm rather embarrassed to put this on the internet... but it's time to give myself a rude awakening and start working harder!

Go Stephanie GO!

Procrastination is the WORD

Yeah... tomorrow is another day. Today was crazy trying to get packed up and down to our photo appointment. Things got hectic and I didn't get done nearly as much as I wanted. Sadly Mommy and Wifey things go before Me stuff. I didn't get to exercise but we did a heck of a lot of walking! Hardly ate, picked better things than I normally would have for what I ate too.

Totally will be getting measurements and a picture tomorrow... some how. This is serious now. I'm serious... I'M SERIOUS!

Okay, now that I've pounded that into my head... haha

Anyway, day two and I'm already failing. Such is life with a child eh? Oh well, I'm counting it anyway. Walking around stores is still walking! Besides, it was pouring rain all day.

Weight Yesterday: 261
Weight: 259.5

Stupid fluctuation. This is why you're not suppose to weigh yourself every day. Oh well. Onward!

Let's Get This Party Started!

Day One!

A slow start. It was a cold rainy day, there goes my walk!

Looked into getting Shape Ups sneakers... they are $100! Never in my life have I spent so much on shoes! Most was $40... I'll really have to think before investing in those!

Had some cereal for breakfast (at lunch time, haha). Had spaghetti at dinner, a much smaller portion than usual and without the usual hamburger inside the sauce.

Worked out for 60mins, burned 350 calories! Very tired and sore right now but it'll get easier soon.

I should do measurements/pictures today... but well I'll just wait until tomorrow. I'm getting pictures done tomorrow anyway.

It's slow going, as I said, but let's hope it's like a snow ball down a hill! <3