More Will Power Than I Thought I Had

So, I had an appointment to pick up WIC checks for my daughter at 3:30. Of course I waited to get up until like 2:30... haha Then I took a while getting ready. All in all, I didn't get a chance to eat before going.

So by the time I did that, went to the post office to ship my husband's birthday present, it was getting rather late when we got to Walmart. Some how I went through that store slowly lolli-gagging... and avoiding temptation at every turn! I got the things on Maddy's checks (which for the most part are healthy) but the only other things I bought was no sugar added apple sauce, whole grain cheerios, and seasoning to make some beef cube and chicken. We got blueberries, bananas, apples, and an orange. We also got some whole wheat bread. We skipped the cookies, cakes, frozen foods, donuts, deli ready foods....

By this time I was preeeeeeetttttyyyyy darn hungry. But I got through the line, avoiding all the impulse items some how... Oh but then I walk out side and get hit with the smell of BK! It was torture. Maddy was crying and I thought she was hungry. Which tempted me so badly to just get us some BK. But instead I got an apple out of a bag for her. (Turns out she was tired anyway and fell asleep in the car seat). Instead of breaking and getting fast food, I ate that apple myself. ^_^

As great as all that impulse control felt... I've been feeling a bit too woozy with only 500cals a day. It probably doesn't help that I've had tons of hypoglycemic issues in the past. So I ate a bit more tonight. I REALLY hope it doesn't stop my recent semi consistent droppage...

I know I shouldn't get discouraged though, this journey has just started and I really do need to find the right path for me. Wish me luck! :D

Being Stagnant...

Yeah... not weight loss change today. But that'll happen sometimes, I have to accept that. I really need to get working out... no more excuses! Yes, I want that Kinect to do fun work outs like I did on the Wii... but there is no reason I can't do some simple exercises without it in the mean time.

Tomorrow I shall do some sit ups, some yoga... some anything! I know for sure I'm going to Walmart so I'll take my time walking around the whole store. It's cold outside but not inside baby!

Wish me luck ^_^

Holding My Breath and Taking the First Step...

Onto the scale! I was so worried it'd tell me bad news... especially with the 3 "fat days" I had before starting my diet. But thank god, I had decent news. I haven't been able to keep up with my weight every day like I used to (I packed my scale into storage) but I did weight myself at a friend's house about a week ago. Then I was 270. Today I am 268! Not a bit drop but a drop none the less... and on my period no less! I'm rather excited.

Today was pretty decent. I didn't stick to the hCG diet protocal but pretty much have decided as long as what I eat off the protocal is healthy then it's ok. There is not much on the protocal to begin with, and most of them I don't like... so it's much too hard to stick to so little choices.

All in all, I think I'm having a good go so far. Counting down the days until Brandon gets paid and I can get a Kinect though.

The First Day... and April 15th Challenge

The first day... oh and if it's not just my luck. Last night I stepped on a piece of glass. I got it out but now my foot really hurts. I also feel like poo 'cause I've been visited by Aunt Flo. I don't have much means to exercise right now anyway... I want to get a Kinect but that'll have to wait until the 1st. Until then, I think I'll look on youtube or netflix for a yoga video.

I did PRETTY well on my diet. Drank water all day. Had a 4oz piece of steak for lunch and a tomatoe. For dinner another piece of steak and lettuce for a salad. I had some apple sauce for a snack. My will was weak and I did eat a small bowl of cereal... tomorrow I will do better. I always did give myself some lea-way during that time of month. Not fair to expect a woman to diet when she feels like this! haha

Anyway... I found another challenge and joined up. I think 40lbs before April 15th is a good goal. Numbers are on the side... wish me luck!!! ^_^

10lb Valentine's Day Challenge

So! My first challenger appears! I've joined a site called 4fatchicks and someone posted a challenge: http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/didibuttonsley/2011/01/15/valentines-day-challenge/

Well, I've decided to join it. I always felt like if I but had a challenge or partnership or... something... it'd do me good. I always lamented missing "Biggest loser" challenges. Here's my chance and I'm taking it!

I'm starting a bit late but I hope I can do it anyway... So, by Feb 14th I need to weigh in at 260lbs. Cheer me on!!!

NOT A New Years Resolution...

Yeah... I've been working on this since about October but I was trying to do it on my own. It didn't work out very well... So I'm trying something new. I'm hoping some support (if only online support) will help me out more.

So hi! I'm a 23 year old wife and mother. I'm married to an amazing airman and take care of our incrediable daughter. He's at tech school right now so I missing his support. Plus I would like to lose some weight to be nice and sexy for him ^_^.

Last year I altered out diet to more healthy things (wheat over white bread, whole grain over white, baking instead of frying, etc). It's helped me feel a bit better but I didn't lose any weight. I got a Wii fit and added two hours of exercise every night to it. I lost very little weight. I so then started following the weight watchers guide lines as well as exercising... still hardly anything. After all this hard work I was VERY disillusioned as my husband did the opposite of me and lost 5lbs to my 1lb!

A few months later I began the HCG diet after an Aunt of mine had great success with it. I started off great! The Christmas holiday killed it though... I gave into too much temptation with my husband (who just graduated basic so he craved just about every horrible thing for you...). Well I didn't have much other option for dinner because of lack of money so... I gained back half of what I lost.

So... a new year and a new determination. I just finished a 3 day diet cleanse. Tomorrow I will begin the two day "fat" days... then a low calorie diet. I intend to buy a Kinect for our xbox to do some exersices.

Well... Wish me luck!!!

Updates

As you can tell, my diet fell through. It's really just so difficult to keep up with something like that when you get no results. It's obvious I need more help than just healthier eating and more exercising. Whereas I haven't been blogging, I still eat healthier than I used to and exercise more than I did. Why? Because I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up in the same way. I want her to learn that whole wheat IS good, and white bleached things are bland and pasty. I want her to learn that fresh fruits and veggies are delicious and not "icky". I will feed her home cooked meals, none of the constant trips to the local fast food places.

It's just very disheartening when; even after doing all this, nothing shows for it. True, my body feels a bit better. I don't feel full of nastiness... but I'm depressed and there is just no working around that as of now.

Our money situation is getting worse. I have no insurance and can't get insurance unless I'm not working... but although I'm not working a lot, we can't afford for me to quit. I can't afford to go to the doctor and GET on medication much less pay for said medication. I cried to night; not the first night over it but this time I was more upset over the people I know who DO have the resources to get help but don't use them. They say they are unhappy and depressed... so do something about it! I can't. It's killing me. Madelynn wants to play and I just want to curl into a ball and hide from the world. It makes me want to weep. She is growing up SO fast. I had to stop breast feeding at 4 months to get on meds so I could feel I actually loved her. Now, 3 months later, I'm in the same situation but this time without at least the bond of breast feeding. Out of her 8 months alive, I've missed out on 7. I regret it... the timing of course, not her... I feel awful. Not much I can do about it now though...

But to some good news. Brandon finally has orders for the Air Force. I'm excited to get out of this rut. He will be getting paid $1,000 a month while in basic and then $1,700 while he's in school. I will be living with my Dad so all that money will be going toward bills (car insurance and cell phone, not much) and debt. We can finally dig ourselves out and be productive members of society again. No more living on welfare, no more late payments or none at all. I'm excited and I know he is too. Ever since he joined up I can tell he's got more pride in himself again. I love it. I love him so, I never wanted to see him as broken as he was.

But with this excitement is stark raving fear. My husband is leaving for over 3 months... Since we got physically together (we LD dated for 3 years), we haven't been apart more than a week. He literally works half a block away... and during long shifts, we often come visit him. Now, I know we can handle it, our love is strong. We did it before, while hormones were raging and others tempted... while we were young and it seemed we'd never be together. But I'm worried. I'm worried about being able to handle Madelynn myself. I'm worried that he'll change and we'll drift apart... mostly I'm worried because it seems like all the women around me have TERRIBLE relationships with their military spouses... Eh, I shouldn't let them impact my relationship with my husband. But I worry. It's what I do. Depression doesn't help that either...

Wait! I thought we moved on from depressing updates! My bad. Anyway, lets update on some crafty things! For quite a while I was interested in cloth diapers. I bought a lot of fabric. I read articles. I bought a pattern... printed it out, cut it out... but then I was over whelmed and ended up avoiding it for a long time. Well, because of the money situation (and help from an awesome tutorial Kim sent me) I picked it up again. It's going a bit slow (it's difficult to craft when you just want to be lethargic) but I have 4 diapers made so far. They were mostly experimental because they aren't perfect, but each was a learning experience. I feel confident that within a diaper or two I will have it down. Hopefully I can kick myself into gear and start pumping them out. How good it feels to be saving money and the earth! So... if you talk to me, ask me if I started working on a diaper yet ;)

I've also had a few other craft ventures going on. A while ago I made some nursing necklaces and a magnetic bracelet/necklace. Sadly they haven't sold yet. I also made key chain glass jar with a live moss ball inside! I thought it would be popular but none of them sold either (I'd totally buy one if I saw'em online <.< >.>). So, I've decided I'm going to look into getting a table at the local craft fairs this fall and hopefully sell some of this stuff at price (I hardly expect a profit anymore T_T)

But apparently those failures haven't daunted me at all. I bought alligator clasps on Etsy and am currently making little hair bows for babies. Thankfully the clasps weren't expensive (less than $5) and the bows I'm making out of small bits of fabric... so if this venture fails at least I won't lose much money >_< If it does though, I'm done!

Well everyone, it's 7am and I'm exhausted. Perhaps my brain will shut up for a while at actually let me sleep now? Just in time to get a few hours of sleep before doing things all over again... pity, Brandon gets a day off work just as I have to work. Life is lovely. Whatever, forget me. Happy crafting everyone!