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Friday, April 23, 2010

Determination

I watched a movie last night (Julie and Julia, if you haven't watched it and have time, do. It was very cute. It made my heart happy to see such love shared between Julia and her husband!) and saw a soft core sex scene... and the man was holding the woman up, carrying her to the bed room to do their thing. I had a small pain in my heart; oh how I want to be able to do that with Brandon! I feel like the couple that the woman is super fat and the man very thin... and the woman never shares much food with the man. Whereas this is def. not true (I very often make sure Brandon eats much more than me), I still feel like people may look at us and see this.

I am tired tired tired of being fat! Wait, save your breathe. I don't want to hear people telling me I'm not fat. The cold honest truth is, that I am. Scientifically I am obese, morbidly so according to some BMI calculators. I'm not about to become anorexic in order to lose the weight. I will do it in a healthy manner; I have a husband and baby to take care of!

Desperately I want our lifestyle to become more healthy. I DO NOT want Madelynn growing up fighting with this. Genetics have a lot to do with it. I want her to have a healthy start, so she isn't in this situation. I would be a terrible mother if I were to help her become what I am now... I've suffered a lot for it and probably will quite a bit more before I leave this world and I'd like her to be able to avoid as much as possible.

Thus! I am going to start working on it now. I am, after I am done with this blog, going to print out a calender to make a meal schedule. My biggest problem is not knowing what to make thus I don't and Brandon ends up getting take out. I will make a shopping list, go buy it, and make this food. I will pick healthier things; whole wheat over white, baked over fried, water over soda. Every day the weather is nice we will go for walks. Every night after she goes to sleep I will exercise at least 30 mins.

I've lost 40 lbs so far. Lets keep going another 75lbs!

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